This is the experience of love. This is also the happiness that we seek. It’s what we want in our relationships and in our lives.
So what creates the experience of love? The experience of love is created by giving the gift of acceptance and appreciation.
Notice how you feel when someone genuinely accepts and appreciates you. Doesn't this feel good? Of course it does. You feel better about yourself and better about life. You also feel better about the other person.
The same thing happens when you accept and appreciate someone else. That person automatically feels better about life and better about you. By giving acceptance and appreciation, you create the experience of love.
Now notice how you feel when someone is non-accepting, critical or controlling toward you. Instantly, the experience of love disappears. You get hurt and upset. You put up your walls of protection and automatically resist the person who is non-accepting toward you.
The same thing happens when you are non-accepting toward someone else. That person gets upset, puts up his or her walls of protection, and automatically becomes critical and resentful toward you.
Then you get hurt. Your walls of protection get stronger and you become more judgmental and critical of the other person. Then the other person gets more upset and becomes more critical of you.
Without knowing, you create a cycle of conflict, a cycle of hurting, attacking and withdrawing from each other. This cycle then goes on and on without either person ever noticing his or her role in the problem. It's this cycle of conflict that creates the suffering in relationships.
To end the cycle of conflict, or to make sure it never starts, you need to make sure the other person feels loved, accepted and appreciated. This is the key to having any relationship work.
Unfortunately, this is much easier said than done. Some people are very difficult to accept.
Fortunately, acceptance is nothing more than surrendering to the truth. The people in your life are exactly the way that they are and this is true whether you like it or not.
Pick someone in your life that you can't accept. Notice that this person has a very particular state of mind and a very particular way of seeing life. Notice that this person is exactly the way he or she is and that your feelings about it are totally irrelevant.
When you are at peace with the truth of the way someone is, you have peace of mind. You see your situation clearly and can see what needs to be done.
When you fight the truth, you destroy your ability to see what needs to be done. You create a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. All you can do is fight, resist, hang on or withdraw.
This in turn destroys the experience of love and fuels the cycle of conflict. By fighting the truth of the way someone is, you literally make your situation worse.
The biggest killer of relationships is not being at peace with the truth of the way the other person is.
Once you become at peace with the truth of the way someone is, you can see what you need to do. You may discover that the other person isn’t for you. That’s okay. You can accept the person and go your separate ways.
To learn how to part as friends, visit www.divorceasfriends.com.
If you want your relationship to work, whether you are together or not, you need to make sure the other person feels loved, accepted and appreciated.
Let go of your demands and expectations for how the person should be and make peace with the truth of the way the person is. Empower the person and do everything you can to make sure the person feels loved, accepted and appreciated.
Then watch what happens.
As the person feels loved, accepted and appreciated by you, that person becomes a lot more interested in making you happy.
Automatically, that person feels empowered and becomes more accepting and appreciative of you. Then you feel loved and become more accepting and appreciative of the other person.
Instead of creating a cycle of conflict, you create a cycle of loving, supporting and empowering each other. Creating this cycle of love is the key to having a relationship be great.
Use the articles on this site to learn how to have love in every one of your relationships.
The information in these articles is valuable, but knowing it intellectually won’t change your life. Getting it in your heart will. That’s the purpose of our programs.
If you want to make a profound difference in your relationships, attend our workshops and make an appointment for individual support.
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