We believe that if we just fight hard enough, then somehow, everything will get resolved in our favor. Not so. In fact, the opposite is true. The more you fight someone, the more of a threat you become to that person. You force that person to fight you even harder.
Everything you do to have your side prevail is calculated to have the other person’s side lose. This automatically puts the other person on the defensive. That person then fights to protect himself or herself from you.
By drawing sides against the other person, you create opposition and resistance against yourself. You destroy love and sabotage your relationship. If you want to resolve a dispute, this is the worse thing you can do.
To resolve a dispute, it’s important to create an environment of cooperation instead of conflict. You do this by looking for solutions that work for both of you.
Now this doesn’t mean finding solutions that work for the other person and not you. This won’t work either. The solution needs to work for you too.
Usually the solution shows up quickly, sometimes it takes longer, but one thing is for sure. If you are not looking for a solution, you’re not likely to find one. So keep looking.
Look for the other person's fears and concerns. Look beyond what the person is asking and find what the person needs.
Whatever the issue, there is a way to resolve it. Sometimes you find the answers quickly. Sometimes you don't. Just make sure you don't stop looking.
Even if the other person draws sides against you, don’t fight back. If you keep looking for solutions that work for both of you, the other person will be less defensive. It’s hard to fight someone that is on your side.
Finding solutions that work for everyone may seem like a difficult way to resolve issues, but it’s actually the easiest way. It’s easier because you are reducing opposition and resistance.
When you draw sides and fight against each other, disputes get resolved by tug-of-war. The process is painful. It takes forever and the cycle of conflict gets magnified dramatically.
You can keep your pride, draw sides and go to town on each other; or you can be committed to a relationship where everyone comes out ahead.
You will be amazed at how fast you find solutions when you look for them.
The information in these articles is valuable, but knowing it intellectually won’t change your life. Getting it in your heart will. That’s the purpose of our programs.
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